Dennis' Blog of Indiscriminate | I thought what I’d do was, I’d pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes

Archive for November 2008

Nov/08

29

心情超差

心情超差。

主要不因當然係因為心情從來都沒有特別好過,起伏當然是有的,但就像熊市一向反復向下就是了。

另外唔排除受到天氣同埋日照時間滅少影響,科學家話咁會同令到從而導致生物節律紊亂和內分泌失調,造成情緒與精神狀態紊亂。

另一個扳機就是,那個令人討厭的節日又再接近了。從來都沒有像這樣討厭那個節日,以前只是不太喜歡,現在討厭了。還有可能是最重要,而我想無視卻無法不去想的,是認識她的一周年記念日也接近了。

原定和朋友的聚會也要延期,再次嘗試做 event planner 也不順利。

工作不能集中,金錢沒有增長,物質還未充實,感情一片灰白,學習沒有突破。
原地踏步,浪費時間

無論如何我還可以笑,也必須笑,因為笑著過總比不笑的好。
I will be happy, because I am alive.

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海角七號:終為野玫瑰所刺 (刁民公園).

為甚麼老師寫了如此動人的情信,那位老師卻沒有寄出呢?那可能是愛情的終極啟悟,一切只是過眼雲煙。在船上如何情深 和自責,與其說是一種雙方的愛情,不如說成是單方對愛情的無限想像,並藉此為自己療傷。所以他回到日本後,傷已好了一點,多麼大的激情,也化為平靜,慢慢 失去寄出的衝動。這時老師也應醒覺,既撇下對方不顧,何以又要寄出那些情信,徒添對方的苦楚?

看過海角七號,原本也不明白為何情信沒有寄出。但現在我知道了。

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Nov/08

25

罪惡感

取而代之的是不斷而來的罪惡感。

是我自我要求太高?還是我高估了自己?還是我太認真了?
覺得自己自私,卑鄙,言而無信。

就在很久之前的那一天開始。我失控,我自責,我傷心,罪惡感就一天一天慢慢地增強。

我知道我不是聖人,也不是小說中的主角,更不是其他人;沒可能不犯錯,不自私。

但我更討厭更不想承認的是,我想以這為借口,要自己放棄,要令自己忘記---好像小孩子回避問題一樣。

我是我,我只可以是我,但那是一個怎樣的我?

我說過我會努力,我說過我想堅持,我要求自己改變;可是我為不該期望回報的付出而失望而想收回我對自己的允諾。

我越來越覺得自己好像是個偽善者,空談者,作弊者,姣辯家。

無論是堅持,還是放下,內心深處還是沒有得到救贖。只能裝作看不見,或真的看不見。

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世上最絕的分手信 – 英文由F字學起 – 蕭愷一 – Yahoo! BLOG.

What am I to imagine, Willoughby, by your behaviour last night? I demand an explanation of it.

末段更表示「如果你不愛我了,請交還我給你的那束頭髮」:

If your sentiments are no longer what they were, you will return my notes, and the lock of my hair which is in your posession.

幾天後,苦命的女主角收到這樣的回信:

My Dear Madam,

I have just had the honour of receiving your letter, for which I beg to return my sincere acknowledgements. I am much concerned to find there was anything in my behaviour last night that did not meet your approbation; and though I am quite at a loss to discover in what point I could be so unfortunate as to offend you, I entreat your forgiveness [...]. My esteem for your whole family is very sincere; but if I have been so unfortunate as to give rise to a belief of more than I felt, or meant to express, I shall reproach myself for not having been more guarded in my professions of that esteem. [...] It is with great regret that I obey your commands of returning the letters, with which I have been honoured from you, and the lock of hair, which you so oblingingly bestowed on me.

I am, dear Madam, Your most obedient humble Servant,

John Willoughby.

整篇意思大約是:「我跟你從來沒有甚麼關係,是你自作多情了。」

最要命的是信中措詞。信中用字極度謙卑有禮,卻同時冷酷得教人不寒而慄。這些字句,像寫給陌生人的公函多於像寫給舊愛的信:

had the honour of receiving your letter

beg to return my sincere acknowledgements

anything in my behaviour… that did not meet your approbation

at a loss to discover in what point I could be so unfortunate as to offend you

措詞愈有禮,愈教人心寒。

賤男更把責任都推在「自作多情」的女主角身上,這同樣以委婉的言詞道出:

if I have been so unfortunate as to give rise to a belief of more than I felt, I shall reproach myself for not having been more guarded in my professions of that esteem.

大意是:「假如我對你表現得太友善而引起誤會,我深感遺憾。」

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Nov/08

23

刪除

終於在手機和相機中刪除

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Pushing the Limits of Windows: Physical Memory

Pushing the Limits of Windows: Virtual Memory

How Big Should I Make the Paging File?

Perhaps one of the most commonly asked questions related to virtual memory is, how big should I make the paging file? There’s no end of ridiculous advice out on the web and in the newsstand magazines that cover Windows, and even Microsoft has published misleading recommendations. Almost all the suggestions are based on multiplying RAM size by some factor, with common values being 1.2, 1.5 and 2. Now that you understand the role that the paging file plays in defining a system’s commit limit and how processes contribute to the commit charge, you’re well positioned to see how useless such formulas truly are.

一早都話D人係錯嫁啦,今次重唔比我揾到一個有背景人仕講嘅野去支持。

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集體平庸 (刁民公園).

今天,去了捧蕭sir的場,聽他談英文。會後,一名學生問蕭sir:其實我應該學英式口音還是美式口音?如果其他人都說美式,我說英式,那不是很怪?

蕭sir答,在香港,說美式還是英式,人家都覺得怪(潛台詞:因為香港人說的是港式)。學生又問,像蕭sir教那樣說英文,人家會覺得很扮嘢嗎?另外考試時可不可以(像蕭sir教的正統說法般)那樣說?蕭sir只答,練得好,有信心,當然要這樣說。

最令我意外的,是他竟然懷疑,考試時說純正口音會影響成績。換言之,如果告訴學生,香港的考官是廢柴,你學足BBC報道員般說英文,考官一是覺得你扮嘢,欺負他是條廢柴,一是他廢得連純正英式英文都不懂聽,那麼為了成績,學生只好繼續說港式英文。
但為甚麼學生不會想,自己說的,明明是有證有據的純正英式說法,即使真有如此廢柴考官,難道就不能據理力爭?以此推之,很多學生早已失去追求真相或真理的能力,學習只剩下最純粹的功利手段,而非目的。如果考試局說,只有「太陽由西邊升起」才會給分,很多學生明知不對,還是會這樣回答。

上次我都有去聽佢談英文

我記得都好似有學生問過一D類似嘅問題

佢大約真係咁問
“考試時發音太正確會否被考官當作錯誤”

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